Past. History. Celebrant. Talk

Your Life Story

Birthday Gift, Past. History. Celebrant. Talk, , , , , ,

At least Theresa May knows how people feel about her.

“The Usain Bolt of failure”

Granted, she might prefer not to know. Being told you are the Usain Bolt of failure isn’t something many of us would aspire to. Nor is being told that you have no natural empathy or any of the basic human attributes necessary for leadership. Whatever. As I said, at least she knows.

Most of us, particularly if we’re not politicians or in the public eye, go through life barely aware of what other people think or feel about us. We have no idea whether we’re regarded as brave, patient, idealistic or comical by those that we know or love. And, the harsh reality is, that by the time a group of our family and friends get together and start waxing lyrical about us, we are probably no longer around to bask in the glory of our goodness.

Special birthday present

So, I have a radical plan. Think how special and wonderful it would be for your nearest and dearest to hear how much they were treasured while they were still alive to not only feel the glow of being loved but to realise how their qualities were appreciated and admired?

When my grandmother died she was in her mid eighties and my very large and noisy family assembled, as people do, for the funeral. There were the usual drinks and sausage rolls afterwards, lots of story telling and many memories shared. Then somebody pointed out the inevitable. “Wouldn’t mum/nan have loved to have been here today?”

Of course the irony of that comment is that if she had been there then we wouldn’t have been at her wake. But, just a few years earlier, some family members had contemplated holding an eightieth birthday party for her. The plan was deemed too much trouble. “Mum wouldn’t have enjoyed it”. People might not have come. And yet, all the cousins, brothers, nephews, nieces and surviving children and in-laws pitched up from miles afar for the funeral. How much nicer it would have been had we all got together when she was still there to have enjoyed it – and to have heard all the treasured memories and stories that we were sharing about her?

It’s too late when we die

As Mike and the Mechanics pointed out – it’s too late when we die which leads me nicely back on to my plan. The next special birthday your husband, wife, mother, father or associated family member has, why not throw a party or a special meal? Yes I know you normally do that but what if you also did something a little bit different. Why not get hold of a friendly celebrant (I’m not sure what date you’re intending but I think I might be free) and tell the story of their life and what you value about them?

The beauty of doing this for the living is that it doesn’t have to be sombre and full of tears. It can truly be a celebration of life. An affirmation of all that is good about them. And it can be comical if you’d like it to be. A real focal point to the party.

Celebrate uniqueness

Most of us think we live ordinary lives and have no extraordinary traits. But in essence we do. We all do. So, why not celebrate the uniqueness of your loved one on their special day?

If public displays of affection aren’t quite your thing then I can produce a celebration booklet which can be presented in private!

Writing a Eulogy

Past. History. Celebrant. Talk, , , , , , ,

How well do you know those that you love?

I’m sure you talk to them every day. You’ve probably had endless and numerous conversations over bowls of paella, plates of lasagne and mounds of moussaka whilst fighting off mosquitos and scratching your sunburn on holiday. But, other than that, what do you remember about them? What did you talk about?

You may know that they are irritated by self-service check-outs in Tescos, that they are miserably inept at loading the dishwasher and are hopeless at D-I-Y but what about His Story? Or Her Story? What do you know about that?

What was his name again?

Do you know where they went to school? Or, even before we get to that, do you know the names of their parents? Where they were born and how many brothers and sisters they had? Of course, when we’re in our first few decades things that like are fairly obvious but once people get older even those straightforward facts can be lost to the annuls of time.

Even more important than names and numbers though is what they were like as children. Did they have a quiet, studious family life or was it robust and loud? What did their mum and dad do for a living? Were there any events in their childhood that shaped the adult they was to become?

In my role as a civil celebrant I am continually fascinated by the back stories people have.

The German pilot ruined their coats

The elderly man whose father lost a leg in the War and whose mother had to apply for special permission to work and keep the family. Back in those days, the Government had decreed that married women weren’t allowed to hold down a job as employment was scarce and had to be reserved for the returning soldiers.

Then there was the eighty-odd year old lady who nearly never made it past her sixth birthday. It was 1942 and, terrifyingly, a German fighter plane emptied it’s bullets over her family as they walked back home from a day out in Norwich. Mum pushed the children into a ditch and saved their lives although, apparently, she was far more worried about them damaging the new coats she had recently made them!

We are nowadays privy to an unlimited supply of information about the past. We can look up historical facts and data on our phones and tablets but they are just outlines. It is stories like those that really conjure up pictures and put colour and flesh on the bones of the portraits of the past. And when those stories belong to our loved ones then they become even more real.

How did we live with Brexit?

The point is that we are all living in the past. Some day, in the distant or not-too-distant future, we will have been deemed to have lived “in the olden days”. Future generations will view our lives through the telescope of time and wonder aloud at how we lived with the uncertainty of Brexit; why we allowed people to perish in poverty and what on earth was a landline?

Who do you think you are?

The reason that Who Do You Think You Are is so popular isn’t because anybody thinks that a celebrity sitting in a library with a book is particularly interesting. However, people are fascinated by the stories that their ancestry throws up. Of course, we can’t all be related to royalty like Danny Dyer but that doesn’t matter. There are stories in every family and each individual has their own piece of the past.

Apparently watching the first series of the BBC programme caused 7% of people to start researching their ancestry. You don’t have to develop an obsession with genealogy to keep those stories alive though. All you need to do is talk to each other. Your partner, your parents and grandparents, your aunties and uncles. The stories you uncover might not be ground breaking but they will provide fascinating little insights into the people that surround you.

What’s wrong with Dave Allen?

Sometimes it’s what somebody doesn’t like that it equally fascinating. A family I recently spoke to revealed that their mild mannered mother always hated Dave Allen. Why? What was wrong with Dave Allen? At least I knew why my mum didn’t like Judith Chalmers…

It’s good to talk

A TV campaign back in the day for BT used the marketing slogan “it’s good to talk”. Well it certainly is. Although I suppose it’s equally good to listen. And, if there’s nobody willing to do either then why not jot down some of your memories yourself?