At least Theresa May knows how people feel about her.
“The Usain Bolt of failure”
Granted, she might prefer not to know. Being told you are the Usain Bolt of failure isn’t something many of us would aspire to. Nor is being told that you have no natural empathy or any of the basic human attributes necessary for leadership. Whatever. As I said, at least she knows.
Most of us, particularly if we’re not politicians or in the public eye, go through life barely aware of what other people think or feel about us. We have no idea whether we’re regarded as brave, patient, idealistic or comical by those that we know or love. And, the harsh reality is, that by the time a group of our family and friends get together and start waxing lyrical about us, we are probably no longer around to bask in the glory of our goodness.
Special birthday present
So, I have a radical plan. Think how special and wonderful it would be for your nearest and dearest to hear how much they were treasured while they were still alive to not only feel the glow of being loved but to realise how their qualities were appreciated and admired?
When my grandmother died she was in her mid eighties and my very large and noisy family assembled, as people do, for the funeral. There were the usual drinks and sausage rolls afterwards, lots of story telling and many memories shared. Then somebody pointed out the inevitable. “Wouldn’t mum/nan have loved to have been here today?”
Of course the irony of that comment is that if she had been there then we wouldn’t have been at her wake. But, just a few years earlier, some family members had contemplated holding an eightieth birthday party for her. The plan was deemed too much trouble. “Mum wouldn’t have enjoyed it”. People might not have come. And yet, all the cousins, brothers, nephews, nieces and surviving children and in-laws pitched up from miles afar for the funeral. How much nicer it would have been had we all got together when she was still there to have enjoyed it – and to have heard all the treasured memories and stories that we were sharing about her?
It’s too late when we die
As Mike and the Mechanics pointed out – it’s too late when we die which leads me nicely back on to my plan. The next special birthday your husband, wife, mother, father or associated family member has, why not throw a party or a special meal? Yes I know you normally do that but what if you also did something a little bit different. Why not get hold of a friendly celebrant (I’m not sure what date you’re intending but I think I might be free) and tell the story of their life and what you value about them?
The beauty of doing this for the living is that it doesn’t have to be sombre and full of tears. It can truly be a celebration of life. An affirmation of all that is good about them. And it can be comical if you’d like it to be. A real focal point to the party.
Celebrate uniqueness
Most of us think we live ordinary lives and have no extraordinary traits. But in essence we do. We all do. So, why not celebrate the uniqueness of your loved one on their special day?
If public displays of affection aren’t quite your thing then I can produce a celebration booklet which can be presented in private!