The good news is that it will now be much easier to get a divorce.

No longer will couples have to compile an itinerary of each other’s faults in order to persuade a Court that they can part.

It’s not really surprising to find that the current system, which leads couples to apportion blame, has been found to increase animosity and makes it harder for ex-partners to maintain civil relationships – let alone co-parent their children.

In proposals announced yesterday the ability to contest a divorce will disappear; couples will have the option of creating a joint application for divorce and there will be no requirement to provide evidence of unreasonable behaviour.

Ham or Corned Beef?

This can only be good news for people like my friend (who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons). Her husband left her, without warning, on the eve of his sixtieth birthday. When she asked why, he cited the lack of cold meat options for his Saturday lunchtime sandwich.

In his eyes this constituted unreasonable behaviour. On saying that, I’m sure there would have been a crusty old Judge somewhere who would have sympathised with him and decreed that his wife’s indecision in the deli department gave him more than enough grounds to grant a divorce.

Critics of the proposals complain that getting out of a marriage is now easier than getting out of a mobile phone contract. I can’t agree. Even if you are not married and living together, splitting up is still a painful and long-winded procedure that can take years to recover from. I can’t believe that anybody decides to break up without a huge amount of soul searching.

Harder to stay together

Besides, although parting might be hard, staying together can be even harder.

When we meet the person of our dreams we are convinced that we will live happily ever after but life isn’t a fairy tale. During the years we spend together there are so many times that we reach a roadblock. So many things that can tear couples apart. Children, or lack of them, bereavements, job pressures, money – or lack of it. Dependent parents, illness. The list is as endless as the argument about how to load the dishwasher or who takes the bins out. So, when two people do decide that they love each other enough to stay together through fat and thin, isn’t that something worth celebrating?

Many couples will mark their tenth wedding anniversary, throw a party for their Silver wedding anniversary or invite family and friends for a gala dinner for their Golden but isn’t such a momentous occasion worth celebrating  in an even more special way?

A blessing in disguise?

A vow renewal service is not a legal or religious ceremony. It can take place anywhere from your own back garden to the poshest hotel. It could happen at a favourite spot that you’ve both loved over the years or in a village hall. It can be as formal or as relaxed as you like and can reflect all that’s happened to you since that day you first fell in love.

My mum and dad dithered over the possibility of renewing their vows or having a blessing of some sort for their Golden wedding anniversary. They threw a huge party, invited everybody they knew and provided enough food and drink for an entire village but they often regretted not giving the occasion the focal point it deserved. They talked about making it fun, having a vote about who most deserved the medal for putting up with the other one, and having a timeline about their lives together but they didn’t.

A family affair

I went to a silver wedding anniversary party recently where the wife stood up and made one of the bravest speeches I’ve heard. She told the assembled friends, family and neighbours that she had been newly married when she first met her current husband but knew immediately she had made a mistake. There followed a painful and illicit affair, a huge fall out and an acrimonious divorce but she remarried and now the couple have three strong and independent children as well as a relationship which was now entering another phase.

It was obvious that she felt the need to share her story with people who may not even have needed to know but I sense that she found it cathartic. That she was somehow ridding herself of the guilt she had at the time and may still feel over her original failed marriage and the people she had hurt. It felt as though she was holding her relationship up to the light and saying to the world, look, we did the right thing. We are still together after 25 years and have brought up a wonderful family.

Not all love affairs are as guilt ridden or dramatic as hers but each one comes with a back story that deserves to be celebrated. Staying together through better or worse is no mean feat so surely you owe it to your relationship to celebrate those milestones by reminding each other just why you fell in love and confirming what you’re going to do in the years that follow.

Because you’re worth it

I will happily conduct a vow renewal ceremony for you in the location of your choice. I will help you, if necessary, to write your vows and tell your love story. The downs as well as the ups. The twists and the turns. As much or as little as you like. It can read like a sitcom or a beautiful love story. A family celebration or something special between the two of you because, as the advert says, you’re worth it.